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Are We Having Fun Yet?

Use these practical strategies to avoid – and cope with – the pressures of the season

“From now on, our troubles will be far away…”

So goes a line from the classic holiday song, “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas.” But it’s not how the holidays go for many people. Whether you celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah or Kwanzaa – or some combination of them – the realities of the season can be quite different indeed.

As Daniel Monti, MD, executive and medical director of the Jefferson-Myrna Brind Center for Integrative Medicine and associate professor of Psychiatry and Emergency Medicine at Jefferson Medical College, notes, the holidays involve complicated family dynamics and the pressure to be “perfect.” On top of that, he says, are the extra chores and expenses associated with decorating, hosting parties and exchanging presents.

Put it all together and it can become a perfect storm of stress – especially for women.

And Dr. Monti says sentiments like the ones in “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” often compound holiday stress: “The holidays are marketed in such a way that there’s an expectation that they should be ‘magical,’ and we’re missing out if they aren’t,” he explains. “This creates pressure to have the ‘perfect’ holiday with all the right things, but, of course, we can never make anything perfect.”

Perhaps the best thing you can do for yourself this holiday is to acknowledge the potential for stress – and plan ahead to reduce or eliminate the factors that contribute to it.

The pitfalls of denial
If you go into the holiday season with unrealistic expectations or without a practical plan for working through holiday stress, you can pay the price emotionally and physically, Dr. Monti says.

Daniel Monti, MD

“If we let ourselves get too burdened by stress, we’ll have weakened bodies and immune systems. We won’t feel well, and we’ll be more likely to get colds and other ailments,” he explains.

And for people who are already prone to anxiety and/or depression, the need to proactively manage stress is even greater.

“Stress typically exacerbates depression and anxiety, and that can lead to a vicious cycle of overindulgence – in unhealthy foods and in alcoholic beverages,” he says. “Such overindulgence often makes us feel worse physically and emotionally. To compound matters, drinking too much alcohol can make family interactions more problematic, and may lead to physical injuries, as well.”

Strategies for coping
Since the holidays – and all they bring with them – aren’t going away, it’s wise to identify some strategies for coping with stress. Dr. Monti offers the following “do’s” and “don’ts” for facing holiday pressures:

Do:

• Have realistic expectations. “Acknowledge that perfection is unattainable, and let yourself off the hook when it comes to ‘magical’ holidays,” Dr. Monti says. “Things can and will go wrong, and that’s OK.”
• Be moderate. Overindulging in food and/or alcohol is likely to compromise your physical and emotional well-being. “In particular, drinking too much can lead to behaviors that you’ll regret the next day,” cautions Dr. Monti.
• Take a moment to reflect and enjoy. Whatever holiday you’re celebrating, Dr. Monti recommends giving yourself some solitary time to think about what it means to you. “Our culture has really ‘externalized’ the holidays,” he notes. “But you don’t have to give in to that. Take a moment to reflect on the holiday and try to enjoy some aspect of it.”
• Remember to breathe! It might sound basic, but Dr. Monti says this is a tried-and-true technique for reducing stress. So when you feel yourself becoming tense or anxious, take a few moments to purposefully inhale and exhale.

Don’t:

• Assume family dynamics will be fundamentally different. No matter what Hollywood wants us to believe, the holidays don’t bring instant harmony to any family. “Your own personal problems and any issues that may exist in your family won’t just evaporate on a holiday,” Dr. Monti says. “They’ll still be there, and you should be prepared to deal with them.”  
• Expect to come up with “perfect” gifts. Whether you’re just starting your shopping or are literally wrapping things up, don’t burden yourself with the unrealistic hope of filling everyone’s void with just the “right” present. “Do your best with the gifts then let yourself off the hook, emotionally and financially,” Dr. Monti advises.
• Overburden yourself with too many tasks. When it comes to calendars and to-do lists, boundaries are key, says Dr. Monti. “Just say ‘no.’ You won’t be able to do everything,” he says. “So be selective about the activities and tasks you’re willing to take on.”

If feelings persist, seek help
If you find yourself feeling extremely stressed or even anxious and/or depressed during or after the holidays, don’t ignore your feelings. Seek the assistance of professionals who can help you cope and overcome your symptoms.

For more information about the Jefferson-Myrna Brind Center for Integrative Medicine, including stress reduction programs, visit the Center’s website or call 215-955-2221. Make an appointment with a Jefferson physician online or by calling 1-800-JEFF-NOW.